The meaning of despair.

1. Complete loss of hope.
2. One despaired of or causing despair: unmotivated students that are the despair of their teachers.

What am I still doing here?
Why I didn't go back to Malaysia?
Where should I go if still staying here?
How can I face my parents if I tell them that I failed them twice?
Who am I after that?

A lot of questions that I need to answer but now,
I looked into myself through the mirror,
I saw a despaired guy which lose his way,
And I didn't see that he's trying.

"Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost That your so alone
All you is see is night And darkness all around
You feel so helpless You cant see which way to go
Dont despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side"

From the song InshaAllah by Maher Zain

I'm praying and hoping,
But I'm not trying.

That's the main reason why I'm still here.
I'm afraid to face the truth,
Which made me run far away from it.

Why I keep running even though I knew it won't take me anywhere?
Because, I'm just a normal human being who can't afford losing anything anymore.

With Honest, afieq